Pregnancy Announcements and Infertility: When Someone Else’s Happy News Hurts
Justine Padgham
Sep 28
4 min read
Pregnancy announcements can be one of the hardest parts of infertility.
A message in the group chat. A photo appearing on Instagram. A friend asking if they can tell you something. Sometimes you know what is coming before they have even said the words.
And suddenly, your stomach drops.
You can love someone deeply and still find their pregnancy announcement painful.
You can be genuinely happy for them and devastated for yourself at exactly the same time.
One feeling doesn't cancel out the other.
During my own years of infertility, I found pregnancy announcements incredibly difficult. It wasn't that I didn't want other people to have their babies. I desperately wanted to have mine too.
If you're finding pregnancy announcements hard while going through infertility or IVF, there are ways to protect yourself without feeling guilty for doing so.
Give Yourself Permission to Feel Whatever Comes Up
There is no correct way to react to somebody else's pregnancy.
You might cry. You might feel angry. You might feel numb. You might immediately start wondering why it hasn't happened for you.
Sometimes the guilt about our reaction can almost become as difficult as the announcement itself.
I should be happier for them.
I'm a terrible friend.
Why can't I just be excited?
But infertility and happiness for somebody else can exist in the same place.
Feeling sad about what you are going through doesn't mean you aren't happy for somebody else.
It means their news has touched something that already hurts.
You Don't Have to Respond Straight Away
One of the hardest things about receiving pregnancy news in person can be feeling as though you have to manage your reaction while also responding in the way you think you're supposed to.
When possible, give yourself some space.
You don't need to write the perfect message immediately. You don't need to have a long conversation about due dates, symptoms or baby names if you don't have the emotional capacity for it.
A simple message acknowledging their news can be enough.
You can come back to the conversation when you feel more able to.
It's Okay to Protect Your Social Media
Social media can make pregnancy feel impossible to escape.
Announcements are followed by scan photos. Gender reveals. Bump updates. Nursery pictures. Birth announcements.
If someone's content is difficult for you to see, muting them for a while doesn't mean you don't care about them.
It simply means you're recognising what you can cope with right now.
You don't need to repeatedly expose yourself to something painful to prove that you're a good friend.
They don't even need to know you've muted them.
Sometimes creating a little bit of distance is one of the kindest things you can do for yourself.
Tell the People Close to You What Helps
If you feel comfortable doing so, it can help to tell close friends or family how you would prefer pregnancy news to be shared with you.
For me, receiving news privately gave me space to process my own emotions without having to perform an immediate reaction in front of other people.
You might prefer a text rather than being told face-to-face.
You might appreciate knowing before a wider announcement is made.
You might simply want the freedom to take a little time before responding.
People who haven't experienced infertility may genuinely have no idea what is helpful unless we tell them.
You Are Allowed to Say No
Baby showers, gender reveals, christenings and children's birthday parties can all become complicated when you're struggling to have a baby yourself.
There may be times when you want to go.
There may be other times when the thought of attending feels completely overwhelming.
You are allowed to decide what you have capacity for.
Saying no to an invitation doesn't mean you don't love the person celebrating.
Sometimes protecting yourself means recognising that you don't need to put yourself through every difficult situation simply because you're worried about disappointing somebody else.
Make Space for What Comes Afterwards
Sometimes it's not the announcement itself that feels hardest.
It's afterwards.
It's getting home and crying.
It's opening Instagram later and seeing the announcement again.
It's lying in bed thinking about how far along you would have been if a previous cycle had worked.
It's wondering when it will finally be your turn.
If something has knocked you emotionally, you don't have to immediately brush yourself off and carry on.
Take the walk. Have the bath. Put your phone away. Roll out your yoga mat. Cry if you need to.
Do whatever helps you come back to yourself.
Not because you need to change how you're feeling, but because you deserve some care while you're feeling it.
You Can Be Happy for Them and Sad for You
This was something I had to remind myself of many times during infertility.
Someone else's pregnancy isn't the reason you're hurting.
Infertility is.
Their announcement has simply brought that hurt to the surface.
You don't have to choose between being a supportive friend and acknowledging your own grief.
You can love them.
You can love their baby.
And you can still wish desperately that it was happening for you too.
Both can be true.
A Little Support When a Pregnancy Announcement Hurts
Sometimes you don't need advice.
You just need somewhere to go for a few minutes when something has caught you off guard.
Inside Calm Conception, I've created a Calm Companion specifically for those moments when you see a pregnancy announcement and suddenly feel that familiar sinking feeling.
It's a short supportive audio you can press play on whenever you need someone beside you who understands why this can feel so complicated.
Calm Conception also includes fertility yoga, meditation, breathwork and emotional support for the many other moments that come with infertility and IVF.
Because you don't need another thing to do to get pregnant.
Sometimes you just need somewhere supportive to turn while you're going through it.
