But there are some things you can only really understand once you’ve lived it.
After years of infertility and going through IVF myself, these are the things I wish someone had told me before I started.
You don’t have to take the whole journey on at once.
IVF can feel enormous when you look at everything ahead of you.
But in reality, you only ever have to get through the bit you’re in now.
The injection you need to do tonight.
The scan you have tomorrow.
The phone call you’re waiting for today.
I spent so much time thinking ahead and wondering “what if?”.
Looking back, I wish I’d given myself permission to deal with each stage as it came rather than emotionally trying to prepare myself for every possible outcome.
At the beginning, it can feel overwhelming, but you quickly learn.
And please ask questions.
Write them down before appointments. Ask again if you don’t understand something. Take someone with you if that helps.
You are allowed to understand what is happening to your body and why.
Look after yourself, not just your fertility.
This is probably the biggest thing I wish I’d understood.
When you desperately want IVF to work, it’s so easy for everything to become about achieving that outcome.
What should I eat?
Should I exercise?
What supplements should I take?
Am I too stressed?
What else could I be doing?
But you are a person going through IVF, not a fertility project.
Yoga, meditation and breathwork became important to me because they gave me somewhere to come back to myself.
Not because I thought they would make IVF work.
Because I needed looking after too.
You don’t have to be positive all the time.
There can be so much pressure to “stay positive” during IVF.
But you can feel hopeful and scared at the same time.
You can have a difficult day and still believe things could work out.
You can cry.
You can laugh.
You can be excited about an embryo and terrified about what happens next.
None of those emotions mean you’re doing IVF wrong.
You don't have to think positively enough to deserve a positive outcome.
Find your people.
You don't need to tell everyone you're going through IVF.
But having a few people you can be completely yourself around can make such a difference.
Someone you can message after an appointment.
Someone who understands why you're nervous about a phone call.
Someone you don't have to pretend you're okay around.
That support might come from your partner, a friend, family member, therapist or someone who has experienced infertility themselves.
You don't have to carry everything alone.
And finally…
If I could go back and speak to myself before starting IVF, I wouldn't give myself a long list of things to do differently.
I'd probably just say:
Be gentle with yourself.
There will be so much focus on your body, your treatment and the outcome you're desperately hoping for.
Don't forget about the person going through it all.
You matter in this journey too.
Looking for support through infertility or IVF?
I created Calm Conception using both my professional experience in yoga and meditation and everything I learnt through my own infertility and IVF journey.
It's a space filled with yoga, meditation, breathwork and emotional support for the moments when you need somewhere to turn.
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