When Trying to Conceive Takes Over Your Life: How to Feel Like Yourself Again

Trying to conceive can start as one part of your life. And then, somehow, it becomes your whole life.

Your months become cycles. Your plans revolve around fertile windows, appointments and treatment. You analyse every symptom and find yourself Googling things you've already Googled ten times before.

I know because I've been there too.

But one of the most important things I learnt during my own infertility and IVF journey was this:

You can desperately want a baby without losing all of yourself along the way.

And no, I'm not going to tell you to “just relax” or stop thinking about it.

I want to share some of the things that helped me make a little more space for me while going through infertility.

Remember who you were before TTC

When you're trying to conceive, it can feel like everything becomes connected to fertility. What you're eating. How you're exercising. What you're drinking. Your sleep. Your stress levels. Your social plans. Even things that used to make you feel good can start to become another way of trying to improve your chances of getting pregnant.

So take fertility out of the equation for a moment and ask yourself:

What makes me feel like me?

Maybe it's seeing a particular friend. Going somewhere you love. Dancing around your kitchen. Reading. Travelling. Being outside. Getting dressed up and going for dinner.

You don't need to reinvent yourself. Sometimes it's simply about remembering the little things you've stopped making space for.

Let your body just be a body.

Infertility can completely change the relationship you have with your body.

Your cycle, ovulation, symptoms, hormones, follicles, eggs and womb lining can suddenly become things you're constantly monitoring.

Your body can start to feel like a fertility project rather than your body.

Yoga became really important to me during my own journey, but not because I believed it would make me pregnant.

It gave me somewhere to come back to my body without asking it to do anything.

Whether it's yoga, walking, swimming, dancing or simply lying down and taking a few slow breaths, find moments where movement isn't about fertility.

It's just about how it feels.

Give yourself permission to enjoy your life.

This was a big one for me.

Infertility can make life feel like it's on hold.

You find yourself thinking:

Maybe I'll be pregnant by then.

Maybe we'll have a baby by next Christmas.

Maybe this treatment will work.

There is so much waiting.

And allowing yourself to enjoy something doesn't mean you've stopped wanting your baby.

You can be grieving the life you thought you'd have by now and still experience joy in the life you're living today.

Have the weekend away. Laugh with your friends. Book something to look forward to. Enjoy the glass of wine if you want one and it's appropriate for where you are in treatment.

A good day doesn't mean infertility doesn't hurt.

Both things can exist together.

You are still you.

Trying to conceive may be taking up a huge amount of your life right now.

But it isn't all of you.

You're still the person you were before the tests, appointments, waiting and wondering “when will it be my turn?”

And you don't need to perfectly find yourself again.

Just start making little moments where fertility doesn't get to have all of you.

Because you matter during this journey too.

Want to start making some space for you?

I created 7 Days Back to You, a completely free fertility wellbeing journey for anyone navigating trying to conceive, infertility or IVF.

Through yoga, meditation, journalling and gentle everyday practices, I'll help you reconnect with yourself and your body and make a little more space for you amongst the waiting and uncertainty.

You'll have 30 days of free access, so there's no pressure to keep up.

Start 7 Days Back to You for free →